joy. pure. simple.

NEW ADD

2009-11-05T08:00:28Z

NEW ADDRESS.

http://jeschinus.livejournal.com

i hope i'm a fruit tree.

2009-10-08T15:39:43Z

during eucharist today, i could exp our Father's immense love.
i'm not sure why though.. what struck me was somewhere in the 1st reading or responsorial that said those that dont bear any will be burned root and stalk or something like that. then the gospel was bout bearing fruits...

i dont know what the msg is yet.. still thinking bout it...
yest meditation passage was the fig tree..how Jesus cursed it cause it wasnt time for it to fruit/bloom.

i'm confused though. why did He curse it? why the line that said burn root and stalk?
what if someone just haven't found Him?... would we be given up on too?
hmmm.

overcome dry spell?

2009-10-03T03:02:25Z

it's been really difficult to remain in contact with God recently.
now and then i remember it during the day and i feel terrible that i'm neglecting Him.
then i'll say tonight i'll be with You, i'll do my meditation.. and i wont cause i'll be too tired. (either i forget, or i say sorry Lord, tmr i'll do)
it's not so much that i'm upset cause i dont feel good or high or whatever. but it sucks cause i really want this rship with Him, i really love being with Him.. but yet, i cant be strong enough both physically and spiritually..

yesterday, while praying/talking about it, i learnt that i may be on a plateau. and that's why i find myself getting disconnected from my Father. my Rship with the Fr has become stagnant and a routine.. thats why i'm stuck here. so now i'm trying to push myself to make time for meditation the first or 2nd thing in the day before my other activities. that's waking up earlier, and i'm using my dad as a role model as he wakes up earlier for his meditations. and he HATES waking up early.

on another note, as i teaching cat class that day, something dawned upon me about the Holy Spirit. i researched on the symbols of fire and water.. and i had the notes, prepared the input. etc. but when i was delivering it, as i was talking to the kids, it hit me hard that the symbol of fire is really so deep. fire transforms everything it touches. nothing that goes through fire comes out unchanged.. burnt, melt, hot. whatever. its always changed. and that's the holy Spirit. everything He touches changes. Everyone He touches is changed. but does that change last? is that change permanent? that's if we are walking in and with Him. if we're always in touch with Him, the mighty fire. we will be constantly changing!! (a good change of course.)

the knowledge of that is currently pushing me to want to be in constant contact with the HS. hopefully this piece of knowledge can push you to want to know Him too. (:

to be a servant

2009-09-08T13:47:39Z

i finally got my meditation back on track..
"servant".. the words that came to mind the first round were all negative. yknow lowly, low class, small, unworthy etc.
then the next round, the first word was 'maid'. and the other words revolved around my maid...

what struck me was how yeah people may think that being a maid is lowly or such, but they do much better work than we ever did!.. theyre so far away from home, apart from their family.. (my maids engaged some more!) they're slogging their guts out, working 24/7. and here we are complaining when we work 9-5 mondays to fridays only. they get scolded many times, sometimes of no fault of theirs but they cant say anything.. for them sometimes its just best to absorb and bottle up everything cause they need the job/money. worse still, sometimes they're unappreciated and abused! my mum brings my maid to the zoo and such at times to let her know that she's appreciated. but i guess sometimes a small 'Thank You' will work wonders..

so yeah. i read in that same passage of matthew 10:43-45.. Jesus came to serve, not to be served. and since it is our goal to be just like Him.. i shouldnt worry about feeling unappreciated.. worry despite doing as much as i can, it may still be not enough... and that hey! i should just be like my maid (not bottling it all up of course..) but persevere and continue building God's Kingdom as well as i can and know how. many times i'm glad when people tell me good job! but then.. why am i glad? is it cause i'm happy and proud of myself? yeah i guess there can be a little of that. but what should be even more evident is the greatest of my Father that allowed me and guided me to do that job.

so Thank You Father.. for every single person here trying and putting everything they have into building Your Kingdom. i pray that they will feel Your presence continuously and find joy in working for You.

north district youth rally

2009-09-07T08:20:40Z

yknow, i've always been closest to the Father i think, and the Holy Spirit.. Jesus being the least closest to.. but during the adoration and benediction, i realized that maybe i got a devotion or connection with Him in the Blessed Sacrament. i remember turning around suddenly and falling to my knees as i saw the monstrance. it was a weird immediate reaction way before others realized or the animator said 'please kneel'. i could feel Christ in me moving. healing. saying its okay.. that its okay that i strayed from Him and neglected our rship cause now i'm back with Him. it was so overwhelming. i felt a huge sense of sorrow and joy all at once. cry cry cry. duh. and as fr kenny brought the monstrance to each section for benediction, i nearly fell over in giddy joy and love. why i kept crying i dont know. but i never took my eyes off Him, and Jesus just kept saying i love you. that. was a really overwhelming experience that pulled me right out of my dryness spell..

there really is no hopeless situations. just people who lose hope.
thats what struck francesca the most that night, and i agree. there isnt. its whether we use the opportunities and hold on to hope in our loving God.

dry spell.

2009-09-04T08:29:25Z

so the past week has been bad.
everything is bad when i'm not connected with my Father.. have been pushing off my meditation cause i'm 'busy' and 'tired'. sure i feel sorry for single-handedly pushing Him away from me.. but laziness has a pretty stronghold unfortunately. so i started again yesterday, specifically putting aside time to be with God.

this dry spell is really bad. because of it i couldnt concentrate during Eucharist. my mind wanders plenty of times though i feel His presence with me... because of this separation from His msges and His being.. i fell into sin constantly, and kept forgetting Him. ugh. even when i tried to meditate, i couldnt come up with anything, no words struck me and i kept speed reading through the text...bleah.
I shall try to start
praising Him constantly every moment again, it feels terrible being away from Him..

what struck me yest was 'good' it was the story of the rich man asking how to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.. what came to me was how we can never be 'good' as God is 'good'. in other words we are not perfect and can never be while on earth... but it is the trying to be good that brings us closer to the Father.

during the liss that day, bro emmanuel said something like during these dry spells, we know that God loves us more cause He's putting us to the test. i was pretty confused with that and wasnt quite sure if i agreed to it.. if God loves us so much, why would He put us to the test? that's just not nice. then during meditation of 'good'... i realized, its not that God's putting us to the test. but its when we're hit with a dry spell and feel the farthest away from His presence and really torn by it, God loves us tremendously. cause we WANT to be with Him. and with this in mind, it will be much easier to climb out of that and be back in touch with Him. i really hope that i'll be able to come out of this dry spell soon, i really miss being able to be with Him in comfort..

who am i? that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name...

the best drink.

2009-08-28T01:46:57Z

yest the word that struck me was 'salted'..
mk 9:49

what i realized was that, yeah i'm flavoured by the HS, given gifts by Him to spread the Father's msg.. but as i aim to remain salty for others, i'll def get thirsty right? (think salted peanuts..) as i use the HS' strength and gifts, it can lead to dryness if i dont quench frequently. and who the better to quench with than the drink of life - Jesus Christ?

i think at that point, i came to a sudden realization how different exactly they were, and how we can work with them separately but yet all at once. i've concentrated mightily on my rship with the Father, and i think i've somewhat neglected JC.. and so i shall start balancing the 3 relationships and not neglect one over the other. its like friendship ey? (:

i'm currently looking forward to 3 things..
1. North District Youth Rally... after the briefing yest, i'm starting to feel like this is a very good opportunity to spread His word of HOPE to others.. starting of course, with those in our con 4.

2. Holy Land. Roomie and I are starting to feel the solid prep, the prayers, and the excitement as to the discovery of Him!!

3. AYD.. a HUGE opportunity to learn from my fellow disciples in Christ, and another chance to spread His love to those i get to meet also!

its gonna be a busy busy few months to come, and i cant wait!!

inspired by a 15 year old kid.

2009-08-24T15:32:36Z

when stace asked if i could cover for her cat class in ij this morning, i didnt hesitate to say yes. of course i wasnt happy to miss my monday morning routine, but i knew this was an opportunity God was giving me to spread His msg of love. funnily, the topic was God in our Relationships. which i thought was very apt cause i have so much to share. i didnt have time to prepare cause ive been busy with our Holy land booklet.. so i decided to use a bit of what stace mailed me, some scripture from her and to share my experiences.

what i didnt expect was to, instead of introducing Christ to them (which i'm not sure if i did but i tried.), meet Jesus in one of the students. At a tender age of 15, she has already established a rship with God (be it the Father Son or Spirit).. She converses with Him, has a real prayer life, hears Him, & most importantly listens to Him. i'm 22, and i only started a strong rship with my Father at maybe 20? i've missed out of 5 years of love for and from Him. but this kid here. she inspires me. She inspires me to spread Christ to the other youth. to introduce them to the experiences she has had. and she has inspired me to be like her as well. she was a bit hesitant to raise her hand when i asked if any of them hears God. and frankly speaking i was surprised but very pleased to see that tentative hand. at that moment i felt a sense of hope, and joy. i dont know why. i hope that she will be able to bring Christ to the people she meet, and will not be afraid to talk about His love.

during meditation today (much much MUCH easier in the adoration room please.) the word that struck me was 'endure'. 2 other verses spoke to me after that... mk 9:23b "Everything is possible to one who has faith." and 24b "i do believe, help my unbelief!"
these verses gave me a warm tingly feeling as i read them. and they linked to the word endure. there's nothing i cant overcome as long as i have faith. as long as i believe in the one who Loves me. as long as i believe in the great I AM.

the msg i got during meditation is that no mater what comes my way, i have to endure. the word that i ended up with that linked to endure was ' Holy Spirit'. so yes, i have to persevere in overcoming obstacles, but not for me. i tend to think more about me. i'm a selfish self centered ass. [ i need to let the adults see that i'm not a kid. i'm capable of things. i need to show my parents that i got plenty of things they can be proud of. etc..] i need to endure for, thru, and IN the HOLY SPIRIT. i need to endure WITH His help, so that people can see that God is REAL. so that people can see me and say mann, i want to know God too! i want to feel His love! and that's the why, and the how, of enduring.

it never ceases to amaze me how our Father throws at us curve balls to show us His son. who would think that i would be so inspired by a student i was supposed to be inspiring. but i love these surprises. i love the way we never know what He might throw us next.

3 experiences in a matter of 3 hours.

2009-08-21T18:24:04Z

well. after a year of mia.. i decided to use this as a source of sharing my spiritual experiences..

yesterday (okay thursday actually) was the first time in a long while i heard Him telling me something face to face.. but that's the past yes?

i shall live in the present. (:

well today, I prayed over a friend. when i was done praying, i wanted to move on to the person sitting next to her, but something made me stay put. i could feel my hand getting much warmer and the tingling sensation from my legs thru my body to my fingertips. the kinda sensation i get when i go into deep prayer.. so i said "ok lord.. i dont know what else to say so you go ahead.." i felt my mind opening up and i was just leting go. like a sudden rush of release. losing the control that i liked.. then my ands felt like it was enveloped (like gloved) in hot air and started to press down on aunM's head..i'm not sure if that was due to me letting go of control or it was Him pushing it down. she felt uncomfortable, so i'm pretty sure it wasn't Him cause the Spirit wouldnt make you feel uncomfortable right? well.. that's a question i have.. that i will ask my SD soon.. its kinda bugging me.

2nd exp.. during beginning of meeting, i noticed when a friend came in that she was looking rather tired. like.. weary of the world, or feeling moody that sort. but i left it at that.. then when we were in the toilet alone (after the praying over and everything) i had an urge to tell her that God loves her. well more specifically Jesus loves you. but i didnt want to cause its quite a cheesy line i think.. many people go around saying that and i'm not sure if they really know the intensity and depth to what they're saying..so yes. that was when i was peeing. WEIRD. but when i came out (and of course washed my hands) i knew one thing that was true. i loved her. and so i asked her on the way back if she was okay.. and before my courage (or rather the Spirit) left me, i told her "I love you". she didnt hear it properly the first time, and when she asked what i said, the 2nd time, i wasnt scared anymore. i didnt hesitate cause it was plain and simple - the truth. "i love you." i wanted to hold her then. but we were reaching the room.. so i didnt. but she msged me that night.. just now. and told me that she received our Father's love (thru that 3 simple truthful words) and that she really needed it then. and i'm at a loss of words, i cant thank God enough for using me to tell her how much He loves her. and for the very fact that He does so immensely..

3rd spiritual exp today is the msg i received thru meditation..(which i think i'm slowly getting the hang of..)
what struck me was mark 8:34 the word 'deny'.
and 8:38 "whoever is ashamed of me and of my words....(I) will be ashamed of.." i being Jesus.

the msg i received linked to Peter.. He denied and rejected jesus many times. but yet he got up after his bout of guilt and sorrow and led His people to such a wide spread religion. and I. always denying Jesus, not trusting Him, doubting Him.. i'm scared to do as He asks. scared to look like a fool, scared that what i say may not be really from Him.. will i ever be strong enough like peter to help build His kingdom?

well. im bushed and patches is calling me up to sleep.
so may the love of the Lord be with you.

friendship talks.

2008-10-29T18:21:39Z

does that make sense?

haha. what i mean is, friendships cant float with no true honest serious conversations on the rship itself.
and i love it that the few friends i have dont shun away from talking about it. (:

well, i'm feeling much better today although ive been farting nonstop since dinner.

HAHAHAHa. thats funny.
not sure why though... ugh.

studying nutrition noww. SO BORINGGGG. it sucks la.
papers on fri, and i dont think ill be able to remember everything.. its USELESS!
pui. furthermore! i cant even go gym tmr! grrr. helping my aunt at my mums center videoing kids.. but since shes paying me..haha.

all right! gonna cont studying and stoning..

grrrr.
past bedtime. ):

emotional blender.

2008-10-27T09:01:16Z

arent i suppose to feel better after an open heart to heart talk?
truth and honesty. its everything in true friendship.
my whole self.
its all about giving, not about receiving. and i'm glad i at least have 3 that i have in life.

sometimes though, hurt lines it.
a little bit of self centeredness here?
i dont really know.

i dont appear vulnerable because i'm a naturally strong person inside.
i'm independent and i know what i want, how i want it.
but that doesnt mean i dont need anyone. that doesnt mean i dont NEED.
sometimes words which were chosen carefully can still hurt.
sometimes words that are not said, can also hurt.
sometimes words that were meant to lift someones spirits can also crush anothers.
words can cut. physically or mentally.
deeply.

actually.
i dont need gentleness.
i dont need touch.
i dont need outside affection
because i get it all from Him.
sure its not physical, but its immense.

if i dont need all these.
then why do i hurt?

selfish.selfcentered..

i'm a difficult person to love arent i.

i wish i could feel You physically.

argh

2008-09-19T03:39:50Z

maintaining grades are so difficult. >=(
already i screwed up my comms mid terms.. wth.
and next fri there's ntr mid terms!!! and i dont think i'm gonna buy the book cause its so bloody ex.. and useless for future.
ARGHHHH.
i'm so annoyed.

anyways, chan is here so i'm going off now. update again soon.
or not so soon.. haha

(:

2008-09-09T12:02:13Z

i dont know what i'm so pleased about actually..
hmmmm.

just a lil summary on whats been happening.
school's okay i guess, 2 weeks only and already quite a lot to be done..

i'm dropping back on my Faith formation..
forgetting to learn about the Bible which i'd like to.. and my handouts.
hopefully will pick it up again soon.

currently my state of mind is usually on how self-centered i can be without even realizing it.
and it was quite unsettling for a while to know that i'm actually someone that is not of Him. >=(
but now that ive realized it.. i need to slowly change. question is How? its rather difficult to notice the actions i make and things i say..
ohwells. i'm surprised and really thankful to the Father that i have any friends at all with who i was.. and still am. with prayer i hope i can change.

OHOH! story of the day..

that day i lost sandra in the library!
its such a dramatic story i'm to lazy to type.
i was so frantic i started crying okay.
what to do, i cry when its sad, i cry when i'm really full of joy, i cry when i'm at peace, i cry when i watch cartoons even, i cry when i panic.. i'm quite a good crier actually. haha.
so yeah. what i was really pissed about wasnt sandra but the EXTREMELY unhelpful lady at the front desk of the library.
i bet she has no kids. or no heart. scowl.

anyways, i've put on 0.5 kgs i think. which is not good. cause if i say its okay means ill gradually put on more.
either maintain or lose. that shall be my weight motto.
hahahahahhaa. actually its not the weight part la. its the fats part. and my mum's shorts that used to be okay fitting is now a lil bit uncomfortable. ELEPHANTITIS!!!!! ))):

haahhaaa. anyways, ohoh! my birthday party's coming up soon. which is REALLY exciting.

but the date is just so far from my birthday.. and now i cant change it back to the previous chosen date. ):

only ONE good thing out of it.. but its a damn big plus point though. (:
other than that ive been pretty okay. will update again one day when i'm bored like now, waiting in church for eucharist to start.
cause the internet at my place is down due to this HUGEEEEE lightning bolt last night.

ciao!

-

2008-09-04T16:44:16Z

sigh, its hard to draw the line between not expecting others to live up to my expectations and when theyre irresponsible.
i really dont know. it frustrates me a lot when others dont seem to be putting their all in especially when they can.
what annoys me the most is that sometimes through their mistakes or convenience, i get blamed.
part of me is really pissed that although i try my best and give all i have, its not gonna be good enough, and the teams not gonna be strong enough because not everyones putting in their all.
part of me understands and want the rest of me to accept that we are one. and that one person's mistake makes all of our mistakes. sometimes though. and that everyone has different weightage of priorities. it just doesnt seem fair though. but nothing's fair right? its a matter of whether its JUST or not.
and i guess it is. even if it isnt, i know You'll make it right. (:

i'm just being a total pain here now. selfish and self centered. ugh.
sometimes i wonder, in which part of my childhood did i slip into this disgusting form of self centeredness.
i bless you Lord, please continue to guide me.

school blues.

2008-09-04T05:23:56Z

ok not really blues....
but mann! its just the 2nd week, and i've already done an essay draft with the final due next wed, and an assignment paper for comms due wed as well, and a research paper to be done in 3 weeks!
furthermore, computer science (CSE) quiz next week.. and comms MID TERMS. in 2 weeks. wth. which part of that is in the MID of the terms right. my teacher is nuts i tell you..

anywyas gotta rush to eat lunch then leave for class alr!
cant be forced to go for school. shouldnt feel forced.. must WANT TO GO!
okay got it pa. will do just that.. gotta maintain my grades. (:

repeat chant.
i love school i love school i love school...

hahaha. thanks carlyn!! (:

hello rachel!! why and HOW would i forget you. hahaha. thanks mann.. you better be doing well in your sa also okay!! ((: (sa right.. haha)

HAHA.

2008-08-18T13:46:05Z

thanks stace. all the best for yours!! (: study for life, not for cert. it worked for me.

HAHA. sorry mel. I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE i forgot to bring!! hahahahahaahahaaa.

JUST REPLYING TODAY. my dog is having her period and is going through major self esteem problems now. HAHA.
hiding amongst the stuff toys half the time.

OH MY!

2008-08-16T15:57:01Z

studying for life really pays off.
distinction for all!
(: well. A- for eng and comms (which is a HUGE surprise) and A for econs. (small surprise)
when i was waiting for it to load i was psyching myself to see a C for comms and accept B for econs.
i thought maybe if i did good enough for paper id at least get a B for comms, but that was just hoping.

and what do you know. all that appeared was A. i was really shocked mann...
nice shocked. im really happy for me. and i'm glad that i feel happy not cause ive proven myself especially to my dad.. but that i gave all (well, couldve given more) but i put in a lot of effort and it came through.

i think my effort alone wouldve gotten me a B for english, and econs. and C or D for comms. so thanks to my Father in heaven that ive made it with full distinctions. with my previous calculations, i had to get 84% for my paper in econs to get A and a 90% for comms paper to get A-. so really thank God that i did it.. whew.

well i gotta give all i have for next sem! gonna be tougher.. comms theory. and some computer science thing.
ohwells.

Lord God, i bless you. and i thank you.

its all good. (:

2008-08-13T02:57:00Z

yay. exams are over! it went well i must say.
but i dont think ill do well enough for A- even. ): hope i get B at least..
spotted essay question for comms. YES YES YES! i'm so amazed with myself. hahaha. glad i listened to what hui said and did what she hinted. econs was all right too. but yknow.. always every of the big questions we choose from will have at least one tiny question i not sure about. so did those with the least marks for not sure questions. ahah.

so here i am, holidaying again. which is quite good actually, break and stuff. studied for exams, but not as much as i could have. which makes me feel bad because then if i dont do well its really my fault. but i just couldnt get in the studying mood so soon mann. next sem i gotta remember that every percent count. and i shall.

HT camp was awesome. (i think thats my current new word cause i keep using it.. haha) although i was a bit frustrated the first night during training. it was all right after when fr talked to us. i gotta remember its all about improving.. but sometimes its just so frustrating to not really know whats wrong and how to improve! roar.

enjoyed playing in the rain, burying laurie in the sand, throwing angelyn and all in the water and wrestling with fr and andrew. hahahaha. enjoyed taking a long walk along the beach and back as well. enjoyed fighting half the time and competing in farts. HAHAHAA. enjoyed torturing charles and charlyn. hilarious i tell you. thank God i'm not that ticklish and only 2 people can tickle me so far.. enjoyed the last night where we had movies and just rubbish things.. all in all it was really fun. felt like we were staying there at the house as in. like it was our home. HAHA.

gonna do some flash animation now. hope i dont go mad!
running after. whee! lazy actually. but no. gotta lose weight.
come on lynnette!! waiting for you. better run la you. AHHA.

oh my!

2008-08-01T04:13:12Z

chanced upon some age old pictures its hilarious!

haha. ok ive changed plenty but i still think i looked nice in industrial and spikey hair.
just different kinda nice. fwhaha.

we like taking weird pictures i realized.

ok STUDY. i know i know. exams on wed. blah. byee.

yawn.

2008-07-28T01:46:04Z

yay. last lesson of esl today! but that means finals are coming up in a weeks time. >=( i am so not ready for comms. econs still okay la, thanks to the frequent quizzes. ohwells.

i was really annoyed yesterday when my dad said i wasnt contributing. just cause i was folding the clothes slowly while watching tv.i was alr gonna leave for church in 10 mins anyways. was quite pissed off la, cause i'm home in the afternoon sometimes and clean up all the time. wash the dishes everything. just really pisses me off. if he wants to compare then look at sandra who's always using her work as an excuse so she doesnt need to do any bloody thing. ugh. i just grabbed my stuff and left. not gonna sit there and let him accuse me of something that i didnt do.

thinking bout it just pisses me off.
scowl.
and papas gonna be away for the week again. ): gonna miss him.

anyways, i didnt go for touch in the end taht day. had to tie up some stuff for youth eucharist. which i wanted to do in the morning after gym but my mum needed help in her center. which was oh so fun cause the kids are SO SUPER CUTE!!!!
always wanna hug and grab my leg and climb into my lap. so cute. haha. 1plus - 3 i think.

anyways, youth eucharist went well i think. touched quite a few of the sec 3s and some of the sec 2s. was the first time the sec2s were exposed to this kinda major presence and i think they were really feeling it. i'm glad for them. getting to now the Spirit now gives them more time to get closer, to learn His ways and to hear Him. thinking bout that just reminds me all the more why we're putting all we have into it. ((:

quixotic - i really feel like doing something rash and crazy to let it out of my system.

hmmm.

2008-07-23T06:57:51Z

waiting for comms to start..
been quite busy with youth eucharist and stuff. plenty of things to do, and needs to be done.
arrrghhh. funny how there are 11 of us but yet feels like only few of us doing the bulk. ah wells.
thats what happens i guess.

really confused about some stuff right now.
not confused confused. but uncertain and unsure.
1st there's the whole control on my emotions thing and being mature.
it is quite tiring actually, and a lot of pretenses thats needed. but i guess its essential.

then theres the coming pilgrim which i want to go for, but not sure if i'm called to go.
wouldnt it just be amazing if we can all hear His voice, discernment would be such a breeze.
sigh. i wonder, how people actually know what our Father wants of us.
i mean, there are those nudges and lil persuasions by the Spirit and i know its Him.. but with decision making, and choices?
sigh.

added to all these, i'm averaging a B in comms right now. which is quite a bugger actually. need to get 82 for end terms to get an overall A-. wth. thats like physically impossible. argh. me and my big idea of donating 10% to her.
i shouldve known that every % counts. well. better now than never.

econs i'm not too sure. had 12 again for last quiz. which pisses me off cause i studied. there was another one today, hope that goes well. salty and i are aiming 19. hahahaha.

esl is all right. averaging A/A-. but really hoping she doesnt drop me a grade.
thats bout it.
really strapped for cash. maids not around and im super tired of clearing up everytime i reach home and through the afternoon. sylvias left for HK which means double load of housework. scowl.
not really a happy time for me.
just feeling moody all round.

going for touch training tmr. wonder if ill stick around this cca this time. haha. hope its fun.

brand new!

2008-07-17T07:17:45Z

i just realized all my old posts were still on this journal.
just deleted all of them. ((:
im very happy with life as it is now, with Him.
although our relationship may not be very strong or fantastic now due to my lack of commitment, i'm happy still. ((:

so anyways, yest hung out with my classmates at holland, was actually quite fun with them! kept laughing and laughing. hahaha. uni life proves to be better for me than poly ever was. i hope our clashes in timetable will still allow us to hang out next sem. ):

off to study econs now! ciao. (:

perceptions?

2008-07-14T02:14:26Z

i just read the blog of this really annoying girl.
and i found out a lot of things that does not show as i look at her. you get what i mean?
a lil background, shes really SUPER annoying. shes in my class and like, tries to sound smart and make comments and stuff thats TOTALLY goundless and doesnt even make sense.
i dont let her bother me much, except for a really childish situation that happened during presentation.

so anyways, here in esl class, i was so bored i went to all of their comms blog. and chanced upon her personal one as well. and as i scrolled i realized we're quite similar. i mean. first shock, found out we're the same age. she looks like. 27 la please. then as i scrolled and read some and saw some pictures. shes actually a normal person that celebrates her dads bday just as i do and loves her dog (which is super cute) so like. i guess people can be really annoying in some situations but actually a nice person behind the scenes or when you get to know them.

i wonder if im really annoying to others too. AHHAHA. maybe only to chan. ((:

ok class work, BYE!

i realize its time to mature. i cant be childish all the time, my feelings are important, but they shouldnt control me.
id only hurt myself further and people around me who try to help. i got that early yesterday morning at 2am. thank you.

COMMS = BORING

2008-06-30T08:28:09Z

stace: thanks dear. (: felt good.

so yes, im at comms now, ms monotone......... blarh. cultural imperialism. WTH IS THAT! now, even if i know what it is, WHY should i know, as if it helps me speak better or so. pui. waste of time, waste of money.
but ohwells.

here i am trying to find people to talk to on msn.. so i decided to update la.
schools been pretty good, cept the last quiz. averaging an A so far.. but last quiz dropped. (for econs anyways since its the only result out.. ESL still A. (: ) but yeah. shall not take that quiz into consideration then, which means i should buck up for the other quizzes.

i'm quite hungry, brought a sandwich for lunch, which disappeared in 5 seconds during econs break. so like yeah. went to the gym durning 1.45 to 3 pm break. yay! managed to clock in half hour of fat burn rate jog and some crunches. dont worry, showered before going for comms, incase my classmates faint. hhahaa.

ashtons party was a good surprise! im really glad she celebrated her 21st in a way she'd enjoy it. wonder if she got drunk.... hahahaa. talking to alina after was really good too. i keep thinking bout our friendship, the 3 of us incl chan, and i know its something strong that would get us thru many times, difficult or happy. we're all turning 21 now, i cant wait for our future.

OK SHES ENDING! BYE!

FEAST DAY!

2008-06-16T16:29:14Z

hidden treasures. ((:

TOAST! to our future and friendship.

dinner was quite good i must say.

carlyn darling (((:

we were pillar dancing. hahahaaha

i love spoiling peoples picture. hahahahahaha

dancing!

carlyn and silly andrew!

my dear papa. beams.